I am a teacher. A middle school special education teacher to be exact. I was a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM) for twelve years. I dabbled in many things during that time – direct sales, working at a gym whose director allowed me to bring my kids to work with me, and church youth director. All of those jobs were very part-time so the SAHM title is most fitting for that stretch. But now, I wear the badge of teacher once again. The decision to return to the classroom did not come easily, however I was ready to be back.
This is my second year back in education; my first was as an aid, and now lead-teacher. The title of this read is the motto I have at the front of my classroom for all to see. I put it there so that my students, who often feel less-than, understand that success comes in baby steps and not by giant leaps. Little did I know I would benefit from it, too.
As a teacher (especially now), it is very easy to get discouraged. The workload, the expectations upon teachers, the things our children are exposed to daily, the world as a whole…each of these things makes it more and more difficult by the day. Feeling like a failure is not an uncommon belief in this profession. Teachers aren’t looked at in the same light they once were. When I interviewed for my first job way-back-when, the first question I was asked was “why do you want this job?”. My answer: because I want to change the world. Yep, I said it. And I felt it. Deeply. Looking back, it’s evident in that simple statement how naïve I was then.
Whether good or bad, I feel things to the extreme. So when I said I wanted to change the world, I meant it. Only I was hoping it would happen in one large, amazing lesson. Again…naive. It wasn’t until I started celebrating the little things that I recognized “changing the world” is in the eye of the beholder and in the world of education, definitely means something different. There are days, more often than not, I feel like I’m not doing my very best by my students. Then there are days when the tiniest ray of light shines through. I watch a student who struggles almost constantly, do a math problem on their own. Or another student has a test score go up, even if by only one point. I say “only” with a grain of salt because for that child, many don’t see the struggle, frustration, and the days of sadness for feeling stupid and inadequate in which that child went through to gain one point. Or another child who I know has a great dislike for authority, offers a smile when I attempt the cheesiest of jokes.
These things may not seem like big things to many people. But for me, those things are the big things. They have to be! I hope that one day, my students think back on the sign in front of my classroom and realize that maybe Mrs. Edwards wasn’t a loser (ha!); maybe she was onto something. And when someone walks by my classroom and sees my para and I making fools of ourselves (maybe dancing, screaming, hugging our kiddos) because one of our students did a math problem on their own, you’ll know why. #HOORAYforsmallvictories
Credence & Chaos 